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:iconheronwolf:
Hello there!

First off I'd like to say that the way you start the chapter captures the reader's attention (or at least mine), thanks to the description of the halls, screams and the fact that they are running. So well done so far.

As far as comments go, I noticed one thing in particular. When you describe Ashmur, you start using a lot of names that are not known to a first-time reader (Boethiah, Razenbor, Stendarr, College of Winterhold, dremora, daedric hounds, etc.). Be careful not to state too many races, places or titles too soon as the reader might get confused. For example you could omit the titel of Razenbor, or that the armour came from the College and I wouldn't think it missing much. I know you want to show and describe the world you created, but you don't have to do it all in the first chapter, or even novel for that matter. You can always do so later in other chapters if you find it necessary.

There are some minor grammar mistakes, but not many. Also be mindful of the POV you use to tell the story. If it's a first person perspective and we see what the narrator feels, sees and says, stick to it, e.g.: 'Weaver snares." He answered, should be "Weaver snares," he answers.

These are my suggestions, I hope they help. A great start for a story, wonder what happens next ;-)
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